60 Tips for a Happy Marriage

A happy marriage is just like a healthy plant. If you give the plant water, sun and air, it blossoms. A marriage requires an equal amount of nurturing if it is to blossom. As much as it is hard to accept, a nice wedding and the good intentions you have to stay together forever are not enough to produce a successful, happy marriage. The excitement and joy that newly-wed couples often experience tend to wear off within the first year of marriage and so, if you want to celebrate your 50th anniversary with your partner one day, you both need to make a conscious decision to "water" your relationship. To reach such as stage is a wonderful thing. The thought of reaching our 50th anniversary means more to me now than ever before, because my mom and dad just recently celebrated their 50th anniversary. I am so happy for them, and even more determined now to do the same.

When I coach couples on the verge of divorce, I find that generally, each individual is not happy within himself or herself and so their attempts to make each other happy are futile, because being happy as an individual is the first step.

As I have written many times on this blog, in newsletters and said in workshops, for any relationship to be happy, first each party must learn how to be happy individually.

flower

I recommend to all couples that come to me for coaching that they create and then share a list of 50 things that make each one of them happy. It is quite incredible to see just how surprised most of them are when they read their partner's list. Most times, many of the items on the list are simple, cheap and even free. Without fail, the reaction I always get is, "It is so easy to make my partner happy, if only I had known earlier…"

Life is much easier when you know the things that make you and your partner happy. Here is a list of 30 things husbands can do to make their wives happy and 30 things wives can do to make their husbands happy. Please remember, the list here is just a start. It is also a bit stereotypical, so feel free to swap items with your partner and do what works for you.
 

30 ways to keep her happy

woman smiling

1.       SMS her some love during the day.

2.       Help her fill in her 12-hugs-a-day tank with lots of hugs (and kisses).

3.       Cook dinner from time to time. Husbands who cook have happier marriages.

4.       Stay and help while cleaning up after meals. Many couples fight over cleaning up. If you do it together, it will take half the time, become part of your quality time and then leave more time for romance.

5.       Find a loving nickname for her.

6.       Say "I love you" when you meet and when you say good-bye.

7.       Mark special dates on your calendar. There are not that many dates to remember: mainly her birthday and your wedding anniversary. But if you really want to be a super husband, remember the date that you first became a couple.

8.       Take the kids out on your own from time to time to give her some space. It can be as simple as offering some time off on the weekend to allow her to sleep in a little bit longer, or as easy as organizing an evening out with the kids.

9.       When she is upset, listen to her but do not try to give advice (unless she asks for it).

10.   Tell her how much you love to touch and smell her.

11.   Invite her to a movie or a restaurant like you would have if you were dating.

12.   Write her love notes and put them in places where she would not expect to find them, like inside the laundry basket, on the mirror in the bathroom, inside her wallet or on the visor in her car.

13.   Shower the kids or read them a story. I have to say that having watched my husband doing these things for many years with our children makes me love him more and more everyday. It is such a simple, beautiful thing to see father and kids reading a story together, that it makes the entire family happy.

14.   Offer some technical help if she is struggling with remotes, computers or electrical wiring.

15.   Say something nice about her choice in clothes.

16.   Bring her flowers.

17.   Give her a massage.

18.   You are strong and manly. Take the garbage out.

19.   Bring home dinner from time to time as a surprise. Try not to do this if she has already prepared a dinner. It is always better to check first and make sure the dinner is not all ready yet.

20.   Tell her "I trust you to…" Any positive ending to this sentence works miracles in any relationship. Count how many times you say this phrase during your relationship and I am sure you will find it much easier to spend many happy years together.

21.   Give her a kiss for no reason. Kiss for the love of kissing. Kiss in the morning and remember to always, always, always kiss at night before you fall asleep, even (especially) if you have just had a fight.

22.   Stay cool when she is having a long phone conversation with her girlfriend, mom or sister. These phone calls are a way for her to work things out and get emotional support. They are good for you…

23.   Bring home a sexy movie from the video shop to watch together.

24.   Learn how to use the washing machine and use it without being asked.

25.   Go shopping with her if she asks you to. Consider this quality time. You can do the grocery shopping while you talk together about your plans and dreams.

26.   Clean the toilet from time to time.

27.   Bring her small gifts.

28.   Hold her hand even when there are people around. It is a public display of affection and this is important to her.

29.   Initiate weekends away.

30.   Keep a photo of her in your wallet.

30 ways to keep him happy

man smiling

1.       Give him some time to watch his favorite TV show (OK, shows).

2.       Invite his friends over for a BBQ.

3.       Tell him how much you love the way he touches you.

4.       Have dinner ready when he comes home from work. Add candles even if there are kids sitting at the table. It is good for them to watch mom and dad expressing their love.

5.       Call him during the day and whisper loving things into the phone.

6.       Offer him his favorite drink.

7.       Tell him how much you love him. Say "I love you" when you meet and when you say good-bye, even on the phone.

8.       Ask him about his day and listen.

9.       When you go shopping, ask him if he wants you to get him something.

10.   Do not tell him he is a baby when he is sick and has "man cold" (the kind of cold that, if you were to have, would make you feel a bit off, but could easily kill him…). Grown men need attention and being sick is their way of getting it when nothing else seems to work.

11.   Tell him he is right sometimes.

12.   Buy yourself a sexy outfit. It will make your husband very happy. You are actually buying it as a present for him, as he is the one who will ultimately take it off.

13.   Give him a massage.

14.   Tell him he smells good.

15.   Make him his favorite dish and remember to tell him that you chose the dish especially for him.

16.   Wash his car as a surprise (or get the kids to do it for a double bonus).

17.   If he is busy and has to miss a TV show that he likes, record it for him.

18.   Tell him how much you appreciate his efforts to come home early, to spend time with the kids, to help, etc.

19.   Ask him, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

20.   Go shopping with him if he wants you to.

21.   Get him his favorite after-shave before his old bottle runs out.

22.   Smile.

23.   Suggest from time to time that he go out with his friends.

24.   Keep his photo in your wallet.

25.   Make a genuine effort to get along with his mom.

26.   Put his trophies in a prominent place and proudly show them to visitors.

27.   Send him loving, suggestive emails.

28.   Tell him he is the best dad to your kids, more than you could ever ask for.

29.   Touch him from time to time. When he is busy, just walk up to him and run your fingers through his hair.

30.   Prepare his lunch box for the day.

As you can see, there are probably as many items that can be added to these lists as there are couples in the world. Each one of us has different desires and expectations of a relationship. It is easier to obtain your desired life if the other party also helps work to make the marriage a happy one. The longer the list of things you have that you can do to make your partner happy, the longer your marriage will be. These lists are just the beginning. Make your own lists and start making your marriage a happy and fulfilling one.

The Power of Prayer

Hiya! I ran across an interview conducted with me on the topic of prayer by journalist and writer Mandy de Waal in 2003. It's always fun re-reading a transcript of something like that a few years down the line. Thought you might find it to be of interest as well. Regards, Clive

Medical research is examining the power of prayer on healing with some astounding results that offer proof that prayer does help heal. But is there a place for prayer in business? Can spiritual appeals contribute to corporate growth? Journalist Mandy de Waal speaks to Clive Simpkins about the meeting of spirit and commerce. Simpkins is a marketing and communications strategist, and author of the "Concise Communicator" and "Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life", a book about personal, sustainable change and finding meaning and purpose in one's life. The work draws extensively on the author's twenty three year experience with his teacher, Swami Shivapadananda.

Mandy de Waal
(MdW) - What is prayer - what is your definition of prayer?
Clive Simpkins
(CS) - Prayer is a conversation with yourself or God - whatever your concept of Her, Him or It might be.

MdW - Why do people pray?
CS - Humans innately seek something beyond their mundane selves. So we pray to make 'contact' with whatever our concept of that is. We pray particularly when we're in trouble, want guidance, want to say 'thank you.'

MdW - Can one expect an outcome from prayer? Does prayer work - if so why?
CS - One can certainly expect an outcome from prayer. But it may not be the outcome you expect or want. Like a good parent, the universe or God (whatever your concept or Her or Him or It may be) will, I believe, give you what you need (which may be suffering for growth) and not what you want - which is usually the absence of suffering, hardship, trials and the like.

MdW - How does intent relate to prayer?
CS - Jesus said "The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." So it's got to be a prayer that's very specific in its intention or desired outcome (effective). It needs to have intensity and yearning (fervent). Your motive needs to be pure, unselfish or 'good' (righteous). Then it has the concentration power to make it produce results. If it's unfocused, vague and not serious in intent, it won't generate the energy required for a result.

MdW - Is there a place for prayer in business?
CS - Emphatically! Business is part of our lives or a 'compartment' of our lives. What works after-hours works during working hours as well! Touching base with God or the Universe or the Higher Self a few times during the days makes us much nicer colleagues. It means we're not forgetting what's really important in life.

MdW - Do you say prayers for business reasons?
CS - Why ever not? If you pray for your child's exam success (provided the blighter has done the studying) there's no problem with an intention for a successful business.

MdW - What is the junction of spirit and business?
CS - There shouldn't be a junction! If they're seamless, they work best. There shouldn't be a separation between spirituality, prayer and any of the aspects of our lives. We should live in an integrated, congruent manner.

MdW - Are businesses becoming more spiritual or more conscious - if so why?
CS - Businesses are not 'things.' They're made up of people. People are without doubt becoming more conscious of the need for their spiritual component to permeate the workplace as well. This is not suppositional or anecdotal. I see it in the work I do all the time. People ask questions they would never have asked five years ago. And hey, a guy in a Sasolburg conference asked me to comment on reincarnation. You could have knocked me over with a feather!

prayer

                                                                                                  

How To Be Happy And Take Control Of Your Life

Many people seem to live like walking zombies �" breathing and moving but without energy and zest for life. If you think that you are in a perpetual state of fatigue, stress and bad mood, then you have to stop whatever it is you are doing and ponder for a few minutes what you have been doing all your life. Sometimes, little things, such as keeping a dull mood, can contribute to your lack of enthusiasm and love for life.

Here are some of the things you can do to put the zest back into your life:

1. Snooze Your Way To Happy Life

According to the National Sleep Foundation, over 75% of adults in the US experience insomnia or some type of sleep problems a few times a week. A lot of people sacrifice sleep in order to work more or have extended hours of fun; however, they are not aware that lack of sleep can cause many illnesses and conditions, including lethargy and listlessness.

If you want your life to be full and happy, you first need to give your body a chance to rest and re-energize. Some say that people need at least 8 hours of sleep in order to revitalize their mind and body.

2. Be Careful What You Feed Your Body

Most magazines and books on health that people have read tell about the importance of eating right. It seems, however, that in spite of this, many still do not pay attention to the food they eat nor to the right eating time.

The first thing you should remember is to eat a healthy breakfast that is composed of proteins like egg, some complex carbohydrates such as whole grain cereals or bread, and a small amount of fat. This type of breakfast will help keep your blood sugar levels stable for most of the day. It is important to note that very low or very high blood sugar levels could cause fatigue and mood swings. Furthermore, not being able to normalize the glucose level in your blood could result in serious diseases, including diabetes.
3. Just Carry What You Can Handle


Having overly busy schedules seem to be the norm these days. However, if you check most people's list of things to do, many will be most likely filled with unimportant and not-so important activities.

If you want to have energy, make sure that you balance your schedule and time well. It would also be wise to delegate some of the workload to other people. For example, if you are a working mom, you could ask some members of your family to help out with housework.
4. Bring In More Light


Believe it or not, more people feel depressed and down during autumn and winter. The reason behind this is that during these seasons, the daylight hours are greatly reduced in some parts of the world. This seasonal sadness is actually called SAD or seasonal affective disorder.

If you do not want to be affected by the SAD bug, make sure that your blood sugar is stable and you get exposed to sunlight regularly. Experts say that the body produces serotonin, a neurotransmitter responsible for happy mood and healthy energy, when exposed to natural light. However, if you cannot go outside and bask in the sunlight, you should expose yourself to a full-spectrum light at least two hours daily.
5. Eliminate Your Wastes


People who are constipated or have troubles eliminating their wastes usually are irritable and moody. If waste materials stay long inside the intestines, they are reabsorbed by the body. These toxins are responsible for allergies, and other conditions.

How To Succeed In Personal Development

Have you ever wished you were a better listener or had more patience? Personal development is a popular approach to self improvement. No matter what you choose to work on, personal development provides you with the right tools.


In this post you'll learn how to succeed in personal development so you can live your life to its fullest potential!


Changing Habits


It's helpful to remind oneself that habits take years and years to form, starting in early childhood and continuing throughout your life. When a habit has taken that long to root itself, it's only expected that it will take some time to undo it.


Therefore, patience is a vital tool to success in personal development. Don't let that discourage you though, since every step along the way is most rewarding.


Let's say someone close to you repeatedly brings up that you're not a good listener. It can be quite depressing or even painful to hear that about yourself since we want to be good and liked by others.


Or perhaps you've become aware of the shortcoming yourself, which is quite an insight. Self awareness is the most powerful personal development tools around.


Either way, you want to become a better listener...


In order to succeed, you need to give yourself a fair amount of time. I would say that a 1-3 month time frame is a good benchmark. Within which you should be able to observe some positive changes.


Daily Practice


Personal development provides the best results when you practice every day. Don't expect immediate perfection, rather value every little bit of progress.


As you work on yourself to improve your listening skills you will become aware of many new things about your thoughts, emotions and behavior. Which is what makes personal development so rewarding.


Daily practice leads to self awareness which is a precious gift and a key to lasting happiness. Cultivate awareness and use it wisely.


Finally, if you have friends that share your interest in personal development, share your experiences with each other. That's most empowering.


Good luck!

personal development

                                                       

10 Ways To Achieve Your Goals

Goal setting is easy. Achieving your goals is the challenge. Below are 10
techniques you can use to help you achieve your goals. Practice these goal setting techniques everyday and you just might be surprised how easy it becomes to accomplish your goals.

1. Dream great dreams and make them come true.Studies show that people who visualize "aggressively" are more successful at
achieving their goals. Visualize the end-result of your dream. What does it look like?
How will you feel when you get what you want? What color, size, shape, etc., it is?
You must be able to mentally visualize your goal as clear and concise as possible
then it is possible to achieve it. Keep it on your mind every day. In time your sub-
conscious will take over.

2. Believe that you can do it.

You must believe in yourself. If you do not then read positive thinking books. Take a
class at your community college that will enhance your skills. Surround yourself with
people who are winners and will encourage you. Many successful people accomplish
their goals even though in the beginning they didn't know everything needed to
succeed. They believed that they could do it and they did. When you get stuck or
have doubts push yourself to do it anyway one step at a time. Get a support partner
who is willing to be there for you when you have doubts.

achieve your goal

                                                           

4 Ways to Change Your Life and Your Business

change your life

                                                       
You have heard the old saying, “The more you do of what you are doing, the more you will get of what you’ve got.”

Your goal should be to make the current year the most productive and highest paid year so far, until the next year comes along. To achieve this goal, you are going to have to do something different from what you are doing today.

There are only four ways that you can change your life and your business. Here they are:

1. You can do more of certain things. What are the things that you should do more of? Obviously you should do more of the things that are working the very best for you already.

You should use more of the marketing and sales methods that are getting you face to face with the best customers, the ones that buy the most readily and who most appreciate the special features and benefits of your products and services.

It is amazing how many sales people lose track of their most effective selling methods, including networking on a regular basis with other sales professionals in your area, and start off doing something new, different and unproven. Then they are surprised when their sales drop and their income declines. Sometimes, the very best thing you can do is to get back to doing what is already working the very best for you.

2. You can do less of other things. Many people fall into a comfort zone of doing things that are not working particularly well, but because they are comfortable doing them, they continue doing them nonetheless.

You only have so many minutes and hours each day. If you spend your time doing things of low value, that time is no longer available to you to do things of higher value. You must be continually thinking about the value of your time, every minute of every day. You should do less and less of those things that are giving you few results, so that you have more time to do more of those things that are giving you better results.